Where have I been, you ask? Let’s just say I’ve been dealing with some personal mental health issues. I have been depressed for quite some time and took medical leave from work since early June seeking treatment for what is now diagnosed as bipolar disorder. I have to say it’s been a life-changing two months.
My major downfall happened on Sunday afternoon during the first weekend in June. Due to a day of boozing combined with a major depression, I had thoughts of suicide. I’ve had so many people say: “You have so much to live for. Why would you think of such a thing?” I hate when people ask that. When you are chronically depressed (and find out that you are actually bipolar), there seems to be no way out. One day you are at rock bottom. Two days later you are feeling GREAT for three days. Then back down. Even with all the therapy I’ve had, I still didn’t have the tools to manage it. After daily group and individual therapy, an adjustment of my meds to better manage my brain and a supportive husband without whom I wouldn’t have risen from the ashes (cliche I know, but I haven’t written anything here for months).
Another things I hate about what people say to you when depressed:
- “Don’t worry. You’ll be normal again.”
- “You should just let what’s bothering you bounce right off you. Move on!”
Gee, thanks. I wish it were so easy to “bounce” back. And I detest the word “normal.” Normal to whom?
Anyways, enough ranting and raving. I am feeling great and return to work full-time next week (I’ve been part-time for the past 3 weeks).
May the force be with me…
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