Bush says NO Sex – did y’all hear?

When will the idiot in the White House stop? Dems may have won Congress, but Bush’s appeasement of the right-wing continues. By the way, a new talking point for Bush’s “Abstinence Education Program” from the Department of Health and Human Services is mandating that states tell their single twenty-somethings to avoid sex entirely until they are 30.

An anti-birth control advocate to administer birth control? No sex until 30 nor outside of marriage?

When will it stop? Mark Morford makes me laugh – his great column in today’s San Francisco Chronicle:

Sex Will Make You Go Blind Single? Under 30? You are in grave danger. Your government says so. Please, stop laughing
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I think I get it now.

The latest pitiable GOP plan, from what I can tell, goes something like this: To make it all so absurd, to make the remaining Bush administration proposals and doctrines and cultural stratagems so outlandish and silly and degrading and insulting to your mind and your heart and your very own beleaguered genitalia that you cannot help but take note of their existence and laugh and cringe and sit back and go, Oh my God these people have got to be kidding.
At which point (they hope) you will turn to your spouse or your significant other or your dog and say, Hey honey, check this out, did you see the latest moronic and horrible dictum from the Bush administration? We should totally try it, just for kicks!

Then the GOP will gloat and say: See? The world still loves the GOP! Yay us! And then they shall proceed to smack themselves in the face with a brick.

It is the only viable explanation. It is the only way to account for something like, say, the latest twist in the Abstinence Education Program from Bush’s increasingly laughable Department of Health and Human Services, a $50 million slice of embarrassing government detritus that is now actually encouraging all states to tell their single, youngish residents that they should — how to put this so you don’t shoot coffee through your nose? — that everyone should avoid sex entirely, until they turn 30.

See? See your reaction? You are like: No way. You are like: Is the United States government really saying that? You are like: Laughter, a smirk, maybe a shrug and a sigh and a sad shake of the head and another glass of wine because, you know, what the hell is wrong with these people?
Maybe you think I am making this up. Maybe you think that our fair government, as sad and lost and nipple-terrified as it is, can’t seriously be suggesting that, to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy and unchecked misery in their obviously sad and irresponsible little lives, single people under 30 should not have sex, like, ever. And maybe not even then.

You would, of course, be wrong.

It’s for real. It’s an actual HHS dictum and there are people who actually believe it should be adhered to, and I’m right now guessing you broke this rule this very morning and if you didn’t you really, really wanted to, and if you’re over 30 and/or married chances are you are sitting there right now wishing you were still single and/or under 30 just one more time just so you could squishily, juicily break that rule again, oh my God yes please. Just a guess.

Ah, abstinence education. Could there be a more dizzy, glaring example of a first-rate BushCo failure? Could there be a more insulting, demeaning program the sole intention of which appears to be to deceive humanity and undermine every succulent human impulse and shove sexuality back into the 1850s and induce 10 million teens to resent and mistrust adults even more than they already do? Verily I say unto thee, there is not.

To be fair, the HHS says this new rule is just a guideline, not strict dogma. No one actually has to refrain from having sex until they’re married or 30, because that would be, you know, silly. Draconian. Talibanian.

Also: Were it actually imposed, everyone in America except perhaps for a few confused evangelicals and most Mormons would not be able to stop laughing — a side effect that, while it might stop some people from having sex for a few moments, would do very little by way of helping the government scare Americans stupid.

It is enough to make you wonder: Will there ever be, in our lifetime, a president, a Senate subcommittee, a government program that will dare emerge with a sex-positive, unashamed, salacious and delicious new guideline suggesting that we should all get naked as much as possible so long as we work to understand our bodies and enjoy ourselves responsibly and lovingly and respectfully and orgasmically because it shall make the country and the planet a better place?
In other words, will there ever be a time when we can honestly look to the United States government for valid and reasonable and healthy and truly informative, positive information about human sexuality, information that does not embarrass us and humiliate us and insult our libidos the same way Dick Cheney insults sunlight? Do you already know the answer?
I remember Joycelyn Elders. I remember this feisty and outspoken surgeon general, appointed by Clinton back in ’93, who dared to suggest, in public, that masturbation is fine and healthy and nothing to worry about and perhaps should be taught to teens as a safer alternative to riskier forms of sex.

The nation blinked. The Christian right, of course, was apoplectic. Clinton was forced to ask Elders for her resignation. Later, on the lecture circuit, Elders famously said, “As long as I was in Washington I never met anybody that I thought was good enough, who knew enough or who loved enough to make sexual decisions for anybody else.” And there you have it.

This is what I wonder: I wonder if every administrative lackey who is right now stuck deep in the bowels of HHS and who is assigned to the dissemination of sneering abstinence misinformation, I wonder if they sigh heavily every day, if they stare miserably at the beige government walls, at their buggy Windows terminals, lost in a vague misery, wishing they could have more sex, curious as to where their life went wrong.

I wonder, if you asked them, would you hear the common refrain of those locked in miserable and joyless jobs under the Bush regime? “I have no idea how it came to this. I have no idea how I got here, doing this horrible thing in this horrible place with these miserable people and this awful boss. Every single day, my very soul is being leached through my teeth. What the hell happened to me?”

I believe this is how it must be, tenfold, in the Department of Health and Human Services, Abstinence Division. Among those who are charged with spreading the worst and most debilitating sexual propaganda BushCo has to offer: only misery. Joyless, sexless, unfortunate as the right-wing congressmen who shoved this bitter and lubeless ideology onto their daily plate.
I know, I know, it’s all a bit silly. After all, the Bush government is all about restriction, contraction, containment and self-righteousness and pain. They’re about as likely to pump out some positive sex vibes as the pope is to offer free condoms in the Vatican gift shop.
But Jesus with a Hitachi Magic Wand, one thing you can reasonably hope for is a government that’s at least remotely in touch and relevant, the slightest bit informed about how life really is and hence will stop throwing these obnoxious bones to the gasping sexless Christian right. This is what you hope.

Meanwhile, we’re still stuck with the same old questions: Is this really what our government is all about? Will this ever change? Can they really not hear all the derisive laughter?

We saw “Shortbus”

..last night. It is John Cameron Mitchell’s new film which he wrote and directed.

Cast with virtual unknowns, “Shortbus” is about a group of New Yorkers grappling with their sex lives and relationships who all converge at a circus-like shortbus in Brooklyn to share and romp.

I didn’t like it nor did I hate it.

The film is essentially porn combined with a story that just doesn’t play together well. You see, the actors were actually having sex while filming. Mitchell cast the film months before he had financing, and the actors lived together for an extended period getting to know each other – leading to their comfort with having sex with one another on camera.

John Cameron Mitchell is best known for creating the Hedwig character off-Broadway and writing and directing the film “Hedwig and the Angry Inch.”

I did appreciate watching porn where I actually felt for the characters. I say this apprehensively since the characters were written and performed to a certain point but stopped short of allowing the audience complete access. Maybe that was Mitchell’s point – I wanted more out of the characters, I guess.

The men were eye candy and fully-frontal naked for most of the film. It was exhilarating to watch real sex with hot men (and women). The Shortbus club where they all met up reminded me a lot of Burning Man, and maybe that’s why I can’t completely write off the film. I also appreciated seeing gay characters mix freely and without labels in a hetero world. I especially liked the CGI graphics of New York City used to tie the characters and scenes together. On the big screen, these graphics blew me away.

But, I was a bit disappointed. I wanted more out of John Cameron Mitchell. I wanted to leave with more insight into my own sexuality – perhaps more questions about my own sex life. But I didn’t. I left feeling apathy about the film and the characters. In fact, I felt a bit depressed.

It is in limited release, and many of you won’t see it until it is out on DVD. I would encourage you to rent it and judge for yourself. I just wanted a whole lot more out of it and didn’t get it. But, as I said, I didn’t hate it either.

I hope you like the Christmas banner – thanks, Jimmi! I love you!

The Jimmy & Dan Variety Cast #3: Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now

This week, Jimmi and Dan welcome Adam from “This Boy Elroy.” Hear the boys chit-chat about Gayken, Rosie and Kelly Ripa; the mid-term elections; and Orgasm for Peace Day coming up on 12/22. Adam also shares his review of the new PlayStation 3 and his own plans for masturbating for peace.

And don’t forget to call the Variety Cast Listener Line at:

(206) 337-1587

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Steve Sandvoss Smiling

steve sandvoss shirtlessI know – he hasn’t appeared for awhile but thought it was good fodder since I’m lazy today. By the way, we watched half of the first season of “Weeds” last night thanks to NetFlix – it is a great show and run, don’t walk, to rent it if you haven’t become hooked like us. You will love it!

We are almost ready to gorge…

Guests will be here at 2 p.m. The champagne is ready to be poured. The yams are boiling. Louie is resting comfortably in the living room. And I’m thankful for a whole lot! We are almost ready to go…


Advice on Louie and a good burger

Thanks for all the nice comments and advice. I actually felt a bit better today and went into work. I also became more proactive and made an appointment for Louie tomorrow at a canine orthopedic surgeon – to get the full analysis and choices for treatment. Believe it or not, I found a Yahoo user group today devoted to torn knee ligaments in dogs. It had lots of good advice and I plan to peruse to learn more about ACL and TOPL surgeries (the two choices for dogs). I also learned that there is a 90% chance that he will tear the other knee — more often than not, after such an injury, dogs overcompensate for the weakened knee by putting more weight on the non-injured one. As a result, they often tear the good knee soon after. So, I will check into dog medical insurance to try to cover the anticipated second knee tear.

So, I’m not so Debbie Downer today. I was shell shocked and sick yesterday. Today, I am thinking more clearly.

Donnan and I made his first visit to In n’ Out burger tonight. For those of you who don’t live on the West Coast, In n’ Out has perhaps the yummiest burgers I’ve ever tasted. I did a case study on them in my MBA program, and they use fresh (never frozen) beef; slice fresh potatoes daily for the fries; and make their milkshakes from scratch. In fact, they produce the beef fresh daily from a beef farm they own in the Central Valley of California.

Yummy, yummy, yummy!

We also stocked up on all the groceries we need for Thanksgiving dinner. So, I accomplished a lot today. Thanks for your well wishings and have a great Wednesday.

UPDATE: Louie saw the orthopedic surgeon today and doesn’t have a torn ACL at all. He actually has a ruptured disk in his lower back and as the vet right now having X-rays and a more accurate diagnosis. So, no expensive ACL surgery but likely back surgery down the road.

My gratuitous Debbie Downer post…

…or, when it rains it pours. I’m on day 3 of a terrible head cold. I called in sick.

(Trumpet: wah – wah)

My dog tore his ACL yesterday at the dog park. The vet estimates a very expensive surgery ($3,000) and long recovery (at least three months). I can’t afford the surgery and live four floors up – both which mean we move in the direction of putting Louie to sleep. I am devestated. He was all happy and playful one moment and the next, got his leg tangled in the back seat belt of my car while trying to hurry out to play ball. A very unexpected and sad accident. Apparently, it happens a lot with labrador retreivers, and having surgery once does not lower the high chances that he will twist it again. If you’ve ever known anyone who has had ACL surgery, you know that they often twist and injure the same knee again. It’s worse with dogs.

(Trumpet: wah – wah)

So, Donnan ran me a soothing bath. It felt good. Louie is under the kitchen table and hasn’t peed in almost 30 hours. We tried taking him down today and he squealed in pain the entire time.

I’m exhausted. It’s been an intense month. I wonder if I can handle it all.

By the way, Feline AIDS is the biggest killer of domestic cats…

(Trumpet: wah – wah)

Seriously, the thought of losing Louie is really making me sad. I need to have a sense of humor or I’m going to jump out my 4th floor window…

The Jimmy and Dan Variety Cast #2: The Bitch, Booze, Buttholes, and Bonnie Franklin

Join Jimmi & Dan in Show #2 as they welcome The Bitch From the Ditch, Sorted Lives, and engage him in a spirited discussion about booze, buttholes, and McKenzie Phillips and Bonnie Franklin. The boys cover the latest in the gay blogging world in their one-of-a-kind online variety show.

And don’t forget to call the Variety Cast Listener Line at:

(206) 337-1587

Download it here….

All Jimmi & Dan Variety Casts and DanNation Casts are here


Today’s gratuitous pic of Louie

Not much happening. Donnan and I spent $$$$ on new placesettings, silverware, and clothes in the past day (last night was a 20% off sale with free gin drinks at Ted Baker). I am having some buyer’s anxiety but will have a fashionable new coat to wear at a fabulous Thanksgiving table.

And Louie just watches us reorganize the entire loft all day….